Big Time Rush

I was planning on getting through these explanations of the ESPN Radio Hosts Power Rankings a little quicker, and hopefully I'll be able to pick up the pace from here on out.  Next up is the Doug Gottlieb Show which, I have to admit, was a bit of a  surprise coming in at No. 2.  I mean, he's not even in the picture on the ESPN Radio homepage; but, the points don't lie (except that I just made the whole thing up), so here we are.

The Doug Gottlieb Show

Interestingness: 8

Reasonability: 8

Engagingness: 9

Hangability: 4

Humor: 4

Total: 33

Besides looking like one of the characters of Nickelodeon's "Big Time Rush", and Chad Kearby from Poplar Bluff, MO, he seems like a pretty nice guy.  I also like that his show is just his name, not unlike Bill Cosby or Dick Van Dyke.

Doug Gottlieb

Logan, from "Big Time Rush"

Chad Kearby, from Poplar Bluff, MO

Interestingness: 8

Though not quite as interesting as The Herd, Doug really does do a good job of taking an interesting perspective on topics.  He also has an ability to use personal stories in a way that is interesting, which is something I normally get tired of pretty fast.  I should have some example of his ability to be interesting, but I honestly haven't been listening to a whole lot of Sports Talk Radio lately, as interesting as the WNBA and the French Tour are.

Reasonability: 8

Even though I never have, and probably never will meet the guy, he seems to be that friend who has the ability to talk you out of doing stupid stuff.  Like if we were all hanging out at a a ballgame, and one of you got the idiot-fool idea to run out on the field and dodge security, he'd be the one to say, "Look dude, you don't really want to do that.  We already think you're a crazy guy, so you don't have to prove it to us by spending the night in jail.  And by the way, none of us have money to bail you out."  That kind of obvious levelheadedness is how he approaches sports talk radio.

Engagingness: 9

I don't really know what to say about this category, other than some people are just really good at talking about anything in a way that holds people's attention.  Some guys think they have that ability, and manage to ruin every rehearsal dinner their wives take them to.  But guys like Gottlieb really can make anything fascinating, and that's why he's a successful radio host.

Hangability: 4

Again, though I've never met him, he seems like he would be great to road trip with, or to get stuck in line with at the DMV.  I also feel like he would humor me when I tell long, anticlimactic, jokes and/or stories, which I do pretty regularly.  I'd also guess that he ends up at a lot of weddings of people that he only kind of knows, because as far as they're concerned, he's one of their best friends. All this hangability translates into believability on the radio, and contributes even further to his high score.

Humor: 4

Everyone on ESPN Radio is pretty hilarious.  Doug's humor is a little more subtle, which I love.  He also manages to keep from laughing at  his own jokes all the time (am I right?), which I also appreciate.  It's not very often that I actually laugh audibly when I'm by myself, but it's not uncommon for me to "laugh out loud" on my way home from work.  It's true that I'm not barreled over out of control, but the calmness and consistency of his humor easily renders a high score.

And that's how The Doug Gottlieb Show came in second.  After finishing this post, I realized how much I really do enjoy the show.  It's everything that sports talk radio should be, really.  I guess it's true that the numbers really don't lie.

One last thing, I'll probably take a one-post break from the ESPNRHPR's to offer my review of Christopher Nolan's newest release, "Inception"

How does it feel?

I'm going to try and explain my reasoning on the ESPN Radio Host Power Rankings.  I've already explained what all the different categories mean, and hopefully this will help the scoring make sense.  I figured I'd start with the winning show, "The Herd" hosted by Colin Cowherd.

The Herd with Colin Cowherd

Interestingness: 9

Reasonability: 8

Engagingness: 10

Hangability: 3

Humor: 4

Total: 34

When I first started listening to the Herd, I hated it, but I couldn't turn it off.  That pretty much sums up the reason for his high ranking.  It's not that I always agree with everything he's saying; but his show, more than any other, leaves me sitting in the driveway waiting for a commercial break.  Successful radio involves the listener, and that's what the Herd does.  You either love it or hate it, but you don't turn it off.

Interestingness: 9
Colin always finds something a little bit different than everybody else to talk about.  That's why he's interesting.  Case in point, a week before the Lebronapalooza, everybody was speculating where he would go, and quoting their anonymous sources etc, etc.  Colin took one sliver of that pie, and made an interesting social commentary.  He suggested that there are different kinds of "smart" (computer smart, business smart, sports smart), and that sometimes smart people make bad decisions.  But, dumb is just dumb.  Some people just don't get it and probably never will.  The New York Knicks, especially over the last decade, are a don't get it organization.  For that reason, they have no chance at landing Lebron.  That kind of niche interpretation is what makes the Herd especially interesting.

Reasonability: 8
He didn't score quite as high on this one, because part of his schtick is flipping the other side of the coin. But a lot of what Colin does is react to typical sportscaster fury.  Often, he takes a middle perspective between two extremes.  When it was recently reported that Tiger Woods would be paying 750 mily-on dollars to his estranged wife, Colin immediately dismissed the reports as absurd. Citing the experience of his own divorce and a general understanding of "how these things work," he laughed as he explained that there was no way that would happen.  It later came out that the report was wildly exaggerated, and Colin of course said I told you so.

Engagingness:  10
I think this is the only 10 in all the rankings.  It's also pretty much the most important category as far as radio is concerned.  All you have is your words, so it better be pretty engaging.  I don't know what else to say other than that some people just have the ability to be really fascinating when they talk.  Couple that with Colin's ability to pick captivating subject matter and you have full engagingness.  My thesaurus is starting to run dry, so I'll go ahead and move on.

Hangability: 3
This is Colin's lowest score, though he still managed a "Liked It" on the Netflix scale.  Since you've probably already noticed this is a Herdfest, I'll just go ahead and say that in a way, this contributes to the high scores in other categories.  I really don't think he would care (as if he would ever read this) that he didn't do as well in this category, because he's not trying to make friends, he's trying to get listeners.  Since arguing is like a sport to me, I'd probably like a road trip with Colin pretty well.  But he's never going to care what you think, so he had to score a little lower than everybody else.

Humor: 4
Though he'd probably give himself a 5 in this category, he's still a funny guy.  I have to think that ESPN deliberately considered humor when they were casting their hosts, because they're all pretty hilarious.  Whatever Colin is talking about, there's almost always a joke at the end; and, he's especially funny when he tries to sing.  He also manages to use his humor in disagreement, which can be an effective way of introducing the discord discussion.  Even if he's being excessively harsh, I still think he's funny enough to neutralize the hostility.

I know that a lot of people don't like "the Herd", and a lot more people disagree with a lot of what Colin says.  But hardly anyone will change the channel once they're listening.  And that is why "The Herd" with Colin Cowherd ranks No. 1 in the ESPN Power Rankings.  And wherever you may be, thanks for making this blog a part of your day.

World Wide Wilson

I'll get back to the ESPN Radio Host Power Rankings when I can, but I want to explore something that has really been bugging me lately.  Since every single player in the NBA is a free agent this summer, there has been a lot of speculation about where they will all go and what they're thinking and why they will do whatever it is they've already decided to do.  A name that keeps popping into conversations is "World Wide Wes."  Although I'm not sure what it is that he does, (other than know a lot of people) he seems to have great influence over both the players and owners alike.

When I was in about the second or third grade, I played Boys Club basketball and enjoyed it very much.  One of the reasons it was so enjoyable to me was because we dominated pretty much every game.  The reason for this was partly because of the talent that we had, but mostly because our coach (my dad) who is the County Prosecutor, was a little over qualified for the position.  As a quick example, most teams at that age play man to man defense because everyone can understand the concept of finding a number on the other team and staying next to him.  We ran a 1-3-1 zone defense, effectively.  If you've ever seen a group of eight year old boys do anything, you understand what an accomplishment this is.  Needless to say, when you're forcing eight year olds to take jump shots, you're going to win a lot of games.

Anyway, back to the story.  One game we were winning by about a hundred points and my dad called a time out.  We all gathered around in the huddle and tried to understand what he started to tell us.

"We're not going to press anymore.  Back up to half court and wait 'till they come across to start playing defense."

We were all kind of confused.  My good friend, and the leader of our team, Scott Cline voiced our concern.  With all the innocence of an eight year-old, but as serious as he could be, he sternly asked a simple question.

"Why?"

I honestly don't remember what my dad's response was, but I know we backed off the full court press and managed to hold on for the win.

I think of this story when I hear people suggest that teams should consult William Wesley about the intentions of Lebron James.  My immediate question, with the same honesty and sternness of an 8 year old, is "Why?"

I'm not saying that he doesn't have the influence.  It's the job of these people to figure out what's going on.  My question is simply why.  I just don't have enough data to compute the following statement:

"If teams think they want a chance at Lebron, they better be getting in touch with World Wide Wes."

What part of the equation does he factor into?  At what part of the process does a GM, or an owner say, "You know, I'd like to know what a completely dissociated person thinks about this."

It's kind of like when people quote Movie Stars on political issues.  I don't care what Denzel Washington says about politics anymore than you care what I think.  He's an actor.  Why would the owner of a multi-million dollar organization care about the approval of World Wide Wes just because he happens to know Lebron James and Jay-Z.  It's not relevant.  I mean, why don't they call me about it?  Or, you?

Maybe someone can explain this to me.  Or, maybe after all the dust settles, I'll understand why his role is so important.  But, one day away from open season on free agents, I only have one question about the gravity of World Wide Wes.

"Why"

That don't make no sense...

Yesterday I posted the Power Rankings of all the ESPN radio hosts. I’ve already had a couple of questions about the scoring system so I wanted to expound on that a little bit. Before I go on, I’d like to say that ESPN radio is by a mile the best sports radio there is. The least engaging and most unreasonable segment on ESPN radio is way more compelling and interesting than any other brand of sports talk radio. Sometimes, when our ESPN is usurped by local high school sports, I’ll switch it over to another sports station. I can only stand to listen to it for about 45 seconds at a time. It might as well be college radio. That being said, here’s a look at the different categories and how they’re evaluated.

Interestingness

This has to do with the topics that are chosen. For example, tomorrow, everybody will be talking mostly about the second game of the NBA finals. Whether or not it is interesting depends on what about the NBA finals they decide to talk about. Excessive game analysis or a ton of personal stories, is just not fascinating, especially if I’m just running some errands and happen to get in my car mid conversation. I’m not going to keep thinking about that stuff when I get out of the car.

Reasonability

This has to do with how much plain sense the host makes. Some radio hosts, sports talk and others, try to generate ratings by being as outrageous as possible. This category tries to offset the tactic of getting tons of exposure by taking extreme positions on every issue. It brings to mind one of my favorite movie quotes of all time, which I've hollered at the radio more than once.

Just because a radio host is loud, demanding, well spoken, or clever, doesn’t mean that what they are arguing for actually makes sense. In fact, the louder voice in an argument usually has more to prove or to gloss over.

Engagingness

This is different than interestingness because it has to do with how well the material is presented. Some things are inherently interesting. Some people are inherently boring. No one on ESPN radio is boring, but this category measures just how captivating the host is. It really comes down to how good the host is at being a host. It does go hand in hand with what they choose to talk about (interestingness), but some people can make anything fascinating. The better they are at that, the higher they score in this category.

Hangability

That word is the most made up of all the categories. All it means is how easy it is, or would be (theoretically) to hang out with the host. Of course, this category is all about perception, but at the end of the day, all they’re doing is talking about sports. And with me (and you) as a listener, we’re just a bunch of guys sitting around talking about sports. How willing I am to hang out with a guy has a lot to do with how seriously I take what he tells me, and by extension how effective he is as a radio host. As an example, Donald Trump is a wildly successful real-estate mogul who obviously knows what he’s doing as evidenced by his wealth. But, judging by what I’ve seen on the TV, he’s not a guy I would want to meet at the Wing Stop to watch a game with. Not that he cares anything about that, but hangability does have some importance when grading radio hosts.

Humor

This one is mostly cultural. For whatever reason, a person’s sense of humor has been lumped in with other character traits like honesty and integrity. If a person is funny, we automatically start to give them the benefit of the doubt. Conversely, if a person is socially awkward, we’ll naturally question whatever they say. Because we appreciate humor so much, it’s included here as a partial measurement of how effective a radio host is.

Next, I'll go into detail about each show and why they scored the way they did. Hopefully these will make more sense when you see how they're applied to each show.

ESPN Radio Hosts Power Rankings

I’ve been listening to the ESPN radio a lot lately. I decided to put together a ranking system to see which show/host(s) are the best. Here is what I came up with for a scoring system.

Scoring

Interestingness: 1-10

Reasonability: 1-10

Engagingness: 1-10

Hangability: 1-5

Humor: 1-5

The categories pretty much speak for themselves, but I may go more into that later. In the next couple of days, I’ll post about each show and why they scored the way they did. For now, here are the results.

AllNight with Jason Smith

Interestingness: 7

Reasonability: 7

Engagingness: 6

Hangability: 4

Humor: 3

Total: 27

Mike and Mike in the Morning

Interestingness: 7

Reasonability: 8

Engagingness: 7

Hangability: 4

Humor: 4

Total: 30

The Herd with Colin Cowherd

Interestingness: 9

Reasonability: 8

Engagingness: 10

Hangability: 3

Humor: 4

Total: 34

The Scott Van Pelt Show

Interestingness: 7

Reasonability: 8

Engagingness: 7

Hangability: 5

Humor: 4

Total: 31

The Doug Gottlieb Show

Interestingness: 8

Reasonability: 8

Engagingness: 9

Hangability: 4

Humor: 4

Total: 33

The Brian Kenny Show

Interestingness: 7

Reasonability: 7

Engagingness: 7

Hangability: 4

Humor: 3

Total: 28

Rankings

The Herd with Colin Cowherd: 34

The Doug Gottlieb Show: 33

The Scott Van Pelt Show: 31

Mike and Mike in the Morning: 30

The Brian Kenny Show: 28

AllNight with Jason Smith: 27

Things Kids Do That Are Awesome

I can say from personal experience that having at least one child is at times challenging. But, sometimes I feel like having kids has gotten a bad rap over the years as some people people have opted to wait till their mid thirties to even start to think about having kids. So, in what is now an official quest to defunct the myth that having kids is the worst and most scariest thing ever, I want to start out by listing off a few things kids do that are totally awesome.

Sprinting Everywhere

First, think about how you feel when you first wake up in the morning. I know there are some of you alleged "early morning" people out there, but for those of you like me who only read newspapers in waiting rooms, consider this. The first thing I hear from my daughter's room in the morning is six quick footsteps to the door. She then runs out into the living room to see what is going on. A lot of times this is at seven in the morning. Imagine what your spouse or roommate would think if you suddenly got off the couch, ran full speed to the kitchen for an apple, and then sprinted back and leaped onto the couch, all with a straight face that says, "Why would I go anywhere any slower than the fastest I can possibly move?"

Screanging

Okay, so I made that word up. What I'm talking about is Scream Singing. I'm not talking about death metal screaming for attention. I'm talking about when kids sing at the top of their lungs out of the pure joy of singing. There is nothing I love more than listening to my daughter bang arbitrarily on her toy piano while she screams the lyrics to some song she is making up as she goes along. It's even better in the car when she is singing a song she kind of knows the words to. One of her favorite songs is the alphabet song.

A B C C M M M M P NEXT TIME SING WIIIIIITH MEAAAAAAAAYYYYY!

Sleeping Like a Bucket of Snow

It's true that newborns and 2 year olds sometimes have trouble going to sleep, and maybe even staying asleep. But once they're asleep, they may enter into an alternate universe. I know a guy that said he would wait until his kids went to sleep to cut their fingernails. It could be because they've been sprinting around everywhere all day, but even a nap in the car is like hibernating to a kid.

Talking to Inanimate Objects

I'm talking about more than carrying around baby dolls and asking them if they need a new diaper, though that certainly qualifies. Imagine what your co-workers would say if you dropped a stapler or a pair of pliers and then apologized to it. My daughter routinely says, "excuse me" to kitchen the cabinets and chairs and often informs her sippy cup that she'll, "be right back." It may be that I enjoy this only because of its humor, but nonetheless, it definitely qualifies as awesome.

If you already have kids, or at least a niece or nephew, then you already know how awesome this stuff is. If not, then that is just a short list of things that give a glimpse of how kids, besides being life changing and the greatest thing that ever really happens to you, are a heck of a lot of fun to have a round. And that's all I have to say about that.

The Mac Daddy Make Ya: Jump, Jump.

I'm not going to talk about how "intuitive" Macs are, though they are alarmingly easy to use. I'm also not going to go on and on about how "they just work," even though that pretty much sums up their efficiency. I won't even carry on about all the things I think they do better than a Windows based machine. For the sake of all the Mac Haters that might happen to stumble onto this, I'll spare you all the Apple propaganda that has so hardened your hearts against even considering that Apple computers are worth paying for. In fact, I'm not trying to convince anyone to convert to Macintosh. I just want to tell you a story.

Today I woke up and went through the usual Saturday routine, eating some cereal, playing with my daughter, checking email and Facebook etc. After lunch I noticed that my battery was getting low. I plugged my charging cable into the wall and then into my MacBook. Nothing happened. Normally, the little light on the cord flashes green and then turns to red to indicate that it's charging. I unplugged it and plugged it back in, still nothing. I tried checking a different outlet thinking maybe that one had given out, still nothing. It was already after noon and my battery was almost dead. I normally use the my laptop to teach Sunday School from, so at this point I was in a mild state of panic. Then I remembered that since I moved to Tulsa, Ok, there is a real live Apple store in the mall.

I quickly looked up the number and called. I briefly explained the problem and the guy told me to log onto to the website and make an appointment at the alleged Genius Bar, which I did, for two o'clock that very afternoon. I had just enough time to play with my daughter in the snow, and then I loaded up my MacBook and power cord and headed off to the mall. On my way out the door I happened to grab my iPod that had also recently been giving me some trouble. I got to the mall right on time and told the guy at the front of the store that I had made an appointment. He told me to wait at the back of the store for someone at the Genius Bar to call my name. I walked through the store and began lusting after everything I saw. Luckily, about the time I got to the back, a young bearded fellow, with seemingly heavy glasses on called my name.

I walked over and took out my laptop. I told him the problem. He pulled my computer over and plugged in a test power cable, which lit up to green and then flashed to red and began charging my battery. He said that it must be the cable and asked if he could see my cable. I took it out. He plugged it in, and it too lit up green and flashed to red as it began to charge my computer. My eyes widened with embarrassment and I explained that it hadn't worked all day. He fumbled through a door and took and a small pink iPod labelled "BATTERY TESTER" and plugged it into my USB. Some sort of diagnostics screen appeared and began process barring through some sort of test. When it was finished everything showed up green.

"Well, it's showing that everything's okay," explained the alleged genius, "Although, it does say that you've been through a lot of charging cycles." I told him that that was probably true as if he needed my confirmation of what the computer just told him.

"I'll tell you what, I'll just go ahead and replace the battery and the cord, and that should take care of it." My eyes widened again, this time in total surprise as he continued, "Give me just a second to make up this ticket." He typed away at his MacBook Pro for a few seconds and then explained that he'd be right back as he walked through that mysterious back door. Minutes later he came back with a brand new power cord and battery and began typing away at his computer some more. He didn't even ask me anymore questions. He completely just took my word for it. He hadn't even seen the charger malfunction. After about a minute he apologized for taking so long filling out all the paper work. I literally laughed out loud and told him that there is no way I was going to complain about what just happened. I made a little bit of small talk and then mentioned my iPod that had been giving me some trouble. He pointed out the guy that I could talk to after we were finished. He finished his paper work, switched out the battery, and then handed me my new power cord. I couldn't believe what was happening. He reminded me to see the iPod guy (apparently the geniuses are task specific) and thanked me for coming in, as if I had done him a favor. Genius indeed.

I walked over to the iPod guy and explained what was going on. When I try to turn on my iPod, it never fully turns on and won't seem to reset in anyway. He asked to see it and also walked through the mysterious back door. Two or three minutes later he walked back out and handed me a brand new iPod Touch and asked me to sign a paper saying that I understand that they won't do anything with the data on my old one. Again, I was completely astonished when he shook my hand and thanked me as if I had done him a real solid by coming in and getting free merchandise.

I had just enough time to make a trip around the food court for some free samples, and I got back in my car 45 minutes after finding a parking spot. I had a brand new MacBook battery, power cord, and iPod Touch, and I hadn't paid a single dime. In fact, I had been thanked for my endeavor.

If you're already a Mac, probably none of this is surprising to you. If you're not a Mac, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, nor do I mean to start a whose better war in the comments section. But, I do secretly hope that you remember this story the next time something gives out on your computer or you start to tell someone that Macs are just too expensive.

It's true that Mac snobs are rivaled only by Lost Fanatics in their blind loyalty. But, while I can't speak for the Lost Mob, I really do have a lot to be excited about. I just went into a store and got hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise for FREE, no questions asked. So, whether you're a Mac or a PC, take this story as a brief explanation of, and just one more reason why I'm a Mac, for life.